Complicated Matters
by Chapilliams
Summary: This is a story about Claire McLeod and Alex Ryan, how they finally get together and being a real couple. The story takes place a bit after the accident where Claire just found out she is pregnant - The exact moment is the moment Alex is proposing to her, but she sees it as a joke. This story will follow the aftermath of that episode and want's to come.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER 1**

* * *

He slowly took her hand in his and looked her deep in the eyes. He looked so deep he got lost in them. They were like a big warm wave rushing to the shore on a warm summer day. He suddenly felt the warmth of the sun on his face, breaking its way through the clouds. He snapped back to reality and saw Claire in front of him, beautiful as ever. He had always thought she was beautiful but things had changed and during the past couple of months, she had been on his mind every single day. He smiled gently at her, as he stroke the back of her hand. He had no way of knowing how this would turn out but he knew he had to do it, he had everything to lose but it was a risk worth taking, because after all - she was everything he had ever wanted.

"Alex are you okay?" Claire asked with a low voice. She felt out of place, standing so close to him with her hand in his and it was getting to a point where one of them had to let go of the other, but something made her stay in the moment. A voice inside of her begged her to stay like this, so she did, because something made her feel like this was an important moment, a moment that was one of a kind.  
"Claire .." he stopped. The words weren't coming to him easily, he wanted to do it right, he wanted to tell her exactly how he felt, how important she was to him, how much he wanted to be with her, how .. how much he loved her. But out of the blue he heard himself blurring out his question.  
"We could get married. If you want?". What was wrong with him, he cursed at himself. He had the perfect opportunity to tell her how he really felt and he made it sound like a joke or a service he was offering.  
"What?" Claire asked taken by surprise.  
"I've done some thinking and I think marriage could solve all of the problems." Alex quickly said. Starting to doubt whether or not it was a good idea telling her how he really felt, she being pregnant and all. "We would stop the gossip, we would keep mum and dad happy and nonetheless - We would keep Peter away" Alex finished and looked at her with hopeful eyes.  
"Alex I .." Claire hesitated and pulled her hand out of his. She was taken by surprise and her body and mind were split in two. Her body telling her to retreat as fast as possible and her mind ordering her to stay exactly where she was.  
"You know, we get on well so it wouldn't be a total tragedy. I'll even make sure to give you plenty of breathing space and you know, all the other stuff" he said with a cheeky smile, trying to ignore the fact that Claire had just pulled herself away from him and widened the distance between them. He kept his smile but in his head he was cursing himself for making the whole thing sound like a favour. He couldn't just go on about how he really felt about her, what if she didn't feel the same about him? Especially after she pulled her hand back. Claire looked at him with suspicious eyes and leaned her head to the side. "What other stuff?"  
"Well you know .. Couple stuff" Alex said and a shy smile crossed his lips.  
"Couple stuff?" Claire started to laugh.  
"Yeah, helping each other out and all that" he looked at the ground and then back at her. Had he just pulled himself together when he had the chance to tell her how he really felt about her, she could have been pregnant with his child and not Peter's. His heart ached with that thought. This whole thing would be different if it wasn't for Peter. Alex felt the blood boil inside of him. He couldn't understand how someone could throw away something so beautiful as Claire, luckily for Peter, Alex hadn't stumbled across him since the day of the accident, if he had, he wasn't sure Peter would live to tell the tale.  
"Hmm .. and where would we live?" Claire asked with a curious tone of voice and brought Alex back from his own thoughts.  
"Here! I mean, if you want" Alex said and smiled.  
"And .. Where would we sleep?" Claire asked all corky and took a step towards him. She wasn't sure if he was joking or not, but it was Alex Ryan so chances were that he was.  
"In your bed"  
"What if I snore?" Claire asked and got Alex to let out a laugh  
"It's okay. I snore too" he said and gave her a big grin. He was under the impression Claire thought he was joking with her, the whole thing had come out completely different than he would have liked.  
"It's very tempting Alex. Believe me it is"  
"But?" Alex said and awaited her next sentence.  
"But .. We are mates. And mates don't go around marrying each other, do they?" Claire said and looked at him gently. "I mean, we don't love each other, like, really love each other .. do we?" she stopped, as if she herself, wasn't exactly sure about how she felt. Truth be told, she wasn't sure at all and sometimes she thought that Alex had the same mixed feelings about their relationship. They had been friends for so long and they knew each other inside out, they loved each other no doubt about that - but was it more than that? And what if she loved him more than he loved her, and what if it was the other way around. All these what ifs sounded like a broken record in her head. Some days she felt like she couldn't live without him by her side and she got sad when they went too long without talking to each other, she had fantasized about being in a relationship with him, especially at the time Tess went out with him - It was there her feelings told her how she really felt about him but it was also there she built up her barrier, because it was obvious he didn't feel the same way for her. But all of this had gotten her confused and the whole marriage thing. Marriage was a big thing and you need to love one another in a marriage, like really love. But Alex did love her, in his own way, right? And she sure would want to keep Peter away. He was a finished chapter and just by thinking off running into him made it run cold down her spine.

"Well, there is love" Alex said, trying not to sound too sad. Did she just say no to his proposal that wasn't really a proposal, but was meant to be a real proposal and now was a mix of offering her a service and doing her a favour? He shook his head and took in a light breath of air. "Look Claire. I love you and I want to be there for you and this little cheeky monkey" he said and placed his hand on Claire's stomach. "And If I'm not mistaken, I'm pretty sure you love me too?" he said and looked at her with soft eyes. His words had made her feel warm and smooshy, because he was right - She did love him, she had already come to that conclusion a hundred of times since this conversation started. But the little voice inside of her head kept telling her to put her guard up, they were mates and he only loved her in a matey way. She kept her focus at his blue eyes, they were gorgeous and somehow they just got prettier over time.  
"What if .." she stopped. Thinking things over again before putting it out there. "I appreciate your support in this, I do. It's more than I could have ever hoped for and I know we made ourselves quite a mess with all this "fake daddy" role, but every time I think about how you stepped up for me I smile. I'm blessed to know the baby is going to call you dad." she send him a quick smile before continuing.  
"There's nothing more in this world I would love than not to see Peter again, ever. And for Harry and Liz - I can't tell them this isn't their grandchild. It will kill them and I can't do that to them. Harry might get under my skin most of the times, but he is just being Harry and Liz, well .. What I'm trying to say is. They have always had my back and my father's back. As for marriage" She stopped and focused her eyes to the ground, making Alex get his hope up again. "I think it might be a good idea afterall. But we don't literally have to get married, do we?" she asked and looked at Alex. "Can't we just pretend?"  
"You want to play pretend?" Alex asked a bit surprised.  
"Yeah you know. We can tell people we are getting married, but we really aren't. See how it all goes along the way, who knows. You might meet someone special you want to marry and then you are stuck with me" Claire said and tried to joke, but her heart was screaming out to Alex and saying those words hurt a bit more than she had thought it would. Alex went along with the joke and gave her his most sincere laugh but little did she know, that he had already found that special someone.  
"Well, if it works for you that way I guess we can do it" he said. This wasn't how he had imagined it at all. He really wanted to be with her and he really meant the whole thing, but maybe she just didn't love him as more than a mate. Well, he hadn't exactly been the best to explain how he really felt. _Damn you Alex Ryan, why do you always chicken out when it comes to feelings?_ he asked himself.  
"Alright, you got yourself a deal!" Claire said and put her hand out towards Alex so they could shake on it. They looked at each other with a awkward look.  
"Get away, will ya?" Alex said and nudged her hand away with a laugh. He placed his arm around her and squeezed her in for a hug. They looked at each other and started to laugh, this was the craziest idea they had ever gotten.  
"Come on wifey. Let's get you and monkey some breaky" Alex said with a cocky smile.  
"Don't call me that" Claire said and started to make her way back to the house  
"What? .. Wifey?" Alex joked.  
"Get out of here" Claire laughed and pushed him away from her. Maybe this was alright after all, pretending to be a couple. Claire had a good feeling about it and who knew - maybe down the line something could happen between them. If he felt the same for her that is.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

* * *

Their marriage was supposed to be some sort of arrangement to keep Peter away and make it easier for Alex to explain his daddy role, but somehow. Somehow the others didn't quite understand the whole idea.

"That's about the stupidest I've ever heard come out of your mouth" Nick said and got up from the chair.  
"Oi! What's that suppose to mean?" Alex asked and flung his arm out. "I'm doing the right thing here Nick"  
"Oh really?"  
"Yes really. I'm taking on my responsibilities in this whole dad thing - And this was the only way to keep Peter away" Alex said, trying to convince his brother he knew what he was doing.  
"You are in for a huge mess, mate" Nick said and started to walk towards the kitchen table. "Have you even thought about how Claire is feeling?"  
"Well yes, she told me" Alex said and gave Nick some attitude. Nick started to laugh, he couldn't believe his brother was this dumb.  
"And what did Claire say, if I may ask?"  
"That she thought it was a good idea and that she only loved me in a matey way" Alex said and realised just how much the spoken words ached his heart.  
"You are seriously blind if you really believe that Alex. Have you thought about the consequences that could come from this?"  
"Look. She wants to keep Peter away and I want to be there for her. End of story, okay?" Alex hissed and started to make his way towards the main door.  
"All I'm saying is, someone could get seriously hurt, Alex. It's feelings you guys are playing with" Nick almost yelled to his brother's back to make him understand.  
"Yeah yeah" Alex said and walked with great pace to his ute outside. He had had enough of Nick's judgement. He hadn't thought he would react this way, he was always so understanding and he had even been the first to praise Alex for stepping up for Claire when she needed him.

"How did it go with Tess?" Alex asked as he got out of his ute to meet Claire in Skinny Jims. Claire sighed and dismounted Eagle.  
"Well .." she stopped and looked at him, he seemed upset and angry. His veins in his neck were slowly starting to emerge and that always gave him up. "How did it go with Nick?" she asked, ignoring his question about Tess.  
"He didn't understand it, he even thought we were stupid" Alex said and placed himself against his ute.  
"Yeah, the same with Tess" Claire said and joined him against the ute. "Is it?" she asked.  
"What is?"  
"Is it a stupid idea?" She patiently kept her stare at him, waiting for him to look her in the eyes. She had thought about their fake marriage arrangement all day yesterday and at the time she had felt it was a brilliant idea, but now that both Nick and Tess had shot it down without even blinking, made her rethink their decision.  
"You don't want to "get married"?" Alex asked and made sure to say get married in quotation marks.  
"No, it's not what I'm saying" Claire said and shook lightly on her head. "Or I mean. I don't know, people seem to be really upset about it."  
"Yeah, I know" Alex said and looked at the ground underneath his feet. Maybe Nick was right, maybe it would end in chaos and one of them might even get hurt. But how else could they keep Peter away?  
"I even told Tess we weren't really getting married, just pretending for a while" Claire said and broke the silence. She looked out in the paddock and made the sunbeams dance on her face. Alex placed an arm around her shoulder and gave her a little shove. "It's our decision, right?" he said and moved his focus to Claire.  
"Yeah?"  
"So what does it matter what other people think? If we wanna do this and if we feel comfortable doing this, why should they have a say?". Claire smiled at him, he was right. It was their decision and it was their lives. Besides, they were only pretending to keep Peter away, they wouldn't harm anyone by doing it.  
"Yeah, you are right" Claire said and clapped his leg. Alex smiled at her before turning his head towards the paddock again. He had to admit he had his doubt about it on his way to meet Claire, until he saw her in front of him. She made all his doubts disappear and he knew he had to do this for her, do whatever it took for her to be happy - even if it meant he was going to struggle with his own feelings. They stood in silence for a while, admiring the view in front of them feeling at ease in each others company. That was the good thing about their friendship - neither of them was really good at talking about feelings, they just kinda understood each other just by looking at one another. It was always easy to be around Alex, they hardly never argued (unless it was about how Claire run Drover's or they got in a bet none of them could see a solution to). She caught a glimpse of him in the corner of her eye and she smiled, she was really lucky to have a best mate like Alex but there was something about the word mate that got her to feel sad. She wasn't exactly sure how she really felt for him, she knew she loved him but did she love him in another way than a matey way? She would like to think she did, her heart skipped a beat everytime she saw him and everytime he was out and about with other girls she felt jealous, but she had always quickly shut those feelings down again. Thinking about it, she has actually always felt jealous of every girl Alex had ever been out with, during their friendship.

"Oi" Claire suddenly said and got interrupted from her thoughts.  
"What is it?" Alex asked with a questioning voice  
"Here" Claire said and placed his hand on her stomach.  
"It kicked!" Alex said, it was the first time he had felt the baby kick and it was a surreal experience. Claire got a huge grin on her face and kept her hand on top of Alex's, taking in every movement from the baby. She was only 5 months in and the baby had just recently started kicking, so she enjoyed every bit of it. It wasn't a massive kick or anything, more like small bubbles one could mistaken for a stomach that churned.  
"Aww it's gone" Claire said with a disappointment in her voice and shifted her focus on Alex. He had locked his eyes on her, he couldn't believe how beautiful she looked being pregnant and all. She tilted her head slightly to the side and smiled at him, a smile that made his knees like jelly. None of them took their eyes of the other, they just stood there, looking at each other, feeling drawn into each other's eyes. _This is it, I'm gonna kiss her if she keeps staring at me like that_ Alex thought to himself and before they knew it, their distance shorten. Claire's heart started beating faster as she felt the warm of his breath on her, what was she doing? She couldn't take advantage of the situation and risk their friendship being ruined. She wanted to kiss him, she really did - but she couldn't ruin things between them, she needed him and the whole thing would be sat at risk if she kissed him, she just couldn't let go.  
"I .. I got to get back" Claire said in a sudden voice and pulled herself out of the moment they just had.  
"Of course" Alex said and watched Claire make her way back to Eagle. He gave her a quick smile before she mounted the horse. She made herself comfortable in the saddle and took a moment to take in what just had happened. "See you around" she said before urging Eagle to canter. Alex waved her off and got back in his ute. What just happened there? They almost kissed, he was sure of it but why did she pull away? He leaned back into the seat and let out a heavy sigh. Maybe she really did love him in a matey way and no more than that? A small hope inside of him spark, a hope, that one day, Claire would look at him the way he looked at her.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

* * *

"Have you talked with him yet?" Tess asked and placed a glass of orange juice in front of her, before joining her around the table.  
"No" Claire said and pulled herself back to reality. She and Alex hadn't talked in almost a week, not since they almost kissed that day in Skinny Jims. It had been an intense moment and half of her body cursed her for ruin it, but the other half kept telling her she made the right decision. Even though she had done everything in her power to avoid Alex, he had been on her mind everyday, more than usual. She felt drawn to him in a way she couldn't explain and it made her scared. She was used to handle things on her own and be in control, and every time she was near Alex, she lost a bit of that control. Maybe that was the reason why she had pulled herself away?  
"You obviously have to, Claire" Tess said and looked intensely at her sister, waiting for her to give her some sort of response. Claire looked at her sister who patiently waited for her to say something.  
"Just drop it Tess" Claire said and got up from the chair with a sigh. She didn't feel like discussing this right now. She placed a protective hand on her stomach and caressed it gently as she made her way over to the refrigerator to find something to eat.  
"I won't Claire. You need to figure things out with him before it's too late" Tess said in a firm way and shook her head. "Too late for what?" Jodi asked as she entered the kitchen, followed by Meg. Claire gave Tess a firm look that pierced itself into her eyes and gave her a clear message about shutting her mouth.  
"Nothing" Claire finally said and moved her stare from Tess back to the refrigerator. Meg came to her side and placed a hand on the side of the refrigerator door. "Didn't you just eat?" she asked Claire with a teasing smile. "No .. I ate" Claire stopped and looked over her shoulder to see what time it was. It was only 10:30 and Meg was right, she had just been eating an hour ago. She send Meg an unpleasant look, took out a plate of leftover meat from last night's dinner and gave Meg a quick smile before walking away from the refrigerator.  
"I'm gonna start lunch in 30 minutes, save your appetite to there" Meg said and closed the door. "But I'm hungry now" Claire said in a displeased way.  
"You are going to end up looking like a balloon, if you keep eating like this" Tess joked and made Jodi and Meg let out a small laugh. Claire was definitely not amused by it and send all three of them a very hard set of killer eyes. "I'll be at the horses if anyone needs me" she said and made her way towards the door, she wasn't in the mood to stand there and listen to their jokes. She would eat if she wanted to, that was very simple. But before she even got out of the kitchen Alex stood in front of her. She stopped and looked surprised at him. He was leaning against the frame of the door, with his hat in one hand and the other in his pocket.  
"What are you doing here?" She asked, a bit nervous not knowing where this would end. After all they hadn't talked for days and taking up what happened between them last, wasn't something she felt like discussing in everybodies present.  
"I thought we could talk" Alex said and gave her a little smile. Claire looked nervously between the others and Alex. She didn't feel like talking in their presence, she had already established that but did she feel like talking about last time at all? What were there to talk about, it was a moment of weakness from them both or at least for her, right? Beside, she wasn't even sure if he had felt the same as she did. Alex noticed her surprised looked and couldn't help but laugh a little when he saw the meat plate in her hand.  
"Come on, I'll take you to lunch at the pub" Alex said and put on his hat. "I can't. I have to check on the horses" Claire said and took another bite of her meat.  
"The horses can wait" Alex said and shook his head with a smile. "Are you coming or are you going to stand there and stuff yourself with meat, McLeod?" Alex said in a teasing tone of voice. Claire couldn't help but smile and let out a small laugh. She already felt more relaxed and comfortable, maybe he had forgotten all about what almost happened between them, maybe it was her who imagined things? Whatever it was, he seemed to be himself and quite okay despite what may or may not had happened.  
"Alright" Claire said and gave into her hunger, what she wouldn't do for a nice steak and fries right now.

They arrived at the pub after what seemed like forever. None of them said very much during the ride and Alex felt more tense than when they were talking in the kitchen with the rest, back at Drover's. Claire herself kept going different scenarios through her head, why were they here? did he feel the same as she did when they almost kissed? did he see the moment as a almost-kiss as well? was he checking out of the whole daddy thing? Her mind kept spinning, why was it so awkward being alone with him? They had been alone a thousand times before and they never had any trouble with it. As they were walking towards the pub, Claire noticed the one person she hated more than Harry sitting outside on one of the benches. _Sandra_  
"This is just great" Claire said making sure it was loud enough for Alex to hear. "Just ignore her" Alex said and placed his arm around Claire which made Claire look at him, as to ask what he thought he was doing. "Couples holds their arms around each other?" he said with a question mark on his face.  
"Claire .. Alex" Sandra said and studied the new-found couple everyone talked about.  
"So much for ignoring" Claire said and gave Alex a look that begged him to get her away from her.  
"Sandra" Alex said in a cold voice. He had no attention making this encounter last longer than necessary  
"I guess congratulation are in order" Sandra said and looked at Claire's bump. She immediately covered it up with her arms, knowing it was too big for her to hide. "Who would have thought. Claire McLeod and Alex Ryan" Sandra said with an demeaning voice.  
"We are in a hurry, so did you want something?" Alex asked and gave her a firm look and squeezed Claire towards him a bit harder - Claire looked at him, feeling protected in his care and her body instantly released a ton of tension. She then got pulled back to the problem that was standing before her. "Only congratulate" Sandra said with her hands in the air, signaling she would back off.  
"Come on, this way" Alex said and opened the door for Claire into the pub, making sure to keep his firm look at Sandra until she was out of sight. He turned his focus to Claire once again and he instantly softened up as he looked at her clear blue-green eyes.  
"So, is it your treat?" Claire asked and waited for him to answer. Alex laughed and started to walk to the end of the bar.  
"Of course. What do you want?" he asked and focused his eyes on the big hand written sign with the different courses the pub had to offer.  
"I'm having such a craving for steak and fries these days" Claire said and went off to her own little food heaven.  
"Make it two steaks and fries" Alex said to the waiter behind the bar.  
"I need a large plate" Claire said with a smirking smile  
"Am I going to have any money left when we are done here?" Alex asked with a shook on his head.  
"Probably not"  
"You are something, Claire McLeod" Alex said and laughed as he put his hand on the small of her back and guided her to the nearest table.

The feeling from the car slowly began to find its way back to them. They sat in silence, giving each other a smile now and then, barely looking at each other. _This is stupid_ , Claire thought to herself. They were mates, best mates and they couldn't even be alone together at this point.

"Alex I .." she stopped, not knowing what she exactly wanted to say. "This is stupid" she finally said. "We can't even be alone in the same room"  
"I agree" he said and nervously playing with the fork on his side of table.  
"We need to talk about this" Claire said and got interrupted by the waiter bringing them their food.  
"We do .. " was the only thing he could say before her eyes captured him once again, they kept luring him in and he couldn't explain why. "Claire, about what happened last time we were together" he finally said, ready to tell her he had hoped for a kiss and he had gotten hurt when she pulled herself from their moment.  
"Should never had happened" Claire said and made Alex frown a bit, did he just hear what he think he did?  
"I don't know what came over me Alex, it wasn't on purpose and even though nothing happened it could have, and I don't want to risk this"  
"Risk what?" Alex asked  
"Risk losing you. I can't do this without you and beside, we are mates, aren't we?" she asked, waiting for him to say something.  
"Well yes, of course"  
"Good, then we agree. Mates don't go around and almost kiss each other" the last part she said so silent that only Alex could hear it. It felt like her heart were knocking on her brain with a mallet, screaming what the hell she was thinking. Her brain on the other hand was busy trying to undermine her heart's desire, coming up with every logical reason why them not kissing, was for the best. Alex was hurt but now he finally knew what she really felt, but why did she keep looking that way at him, she had never looked at him like that? And she sure as hell always had a smart remark up her sleeve but there had been nothing since they had their moment, and he had been sure it was because she somewhere deep down felt something for him but now she sat in front of him, telling him she only saw him as a mate. He looked back at her, saw the troubled look on her face - she couldn't be meaning what she was saying, could she? Was this really what she wanted?

"We need some guidelines if this is going to work" Claire finally said.  
"Guidelines?"  
"Yeah you know, we both agree on having a friendly relationship aigh? and you are only doing this to help me as a mate, right?" Claire tried to sound calm and together, but she was falling apart inside. She was so torn between what was right and wrong, and she tried to grasp her head around why she had all these mixed feelings.  
"Yeah, that's right" Alex said and sighed.  
"Good, then we agree" Claire said trying to act normal. "Let's eat" she said and gave him her most sincere smile. That was it, she had decided it all for him. She wanted to be friends, nothing more. It ached his heart but he had to carry on for Claire, so he smiled at her - he didn't know what he had expected from all this and he was beginning to think Nick had been right about the whole thing being the dumbest plan ever.

They finished their lunch trying to get back to normal between them, they laughed and talked about absolutely everything and nothing. If he couldn't have Claire in any other way, this was okay. At least he still got to see her and as she said, it was a huge risk and he could also be losing a mate and that wasn't something he was a fan of.  
"You done?" He asked and got his hat on again  
"I haven't been this full in a long time" Claire said and clapped her bump gently  
"Junior here is getting a real treat today, aigh?" Alex asked and put his hand on her stomach as they left the table.  
"You know what's nice? You having been rushing to get back to Drover's" Alex said and kept walking towards the ute. "Claire?" he turned around to find Claire in the same spot just outside the pub. "What's wrong?" he asked, expecting an answer but she didn't give him one. He turned his head to see what she was looking at and he finally saw what had made her to stop. _Peter_. What was he doing back in town? He felt his blood boil and his knuckles turning white at the sight of him.  
"What is this knob doing here?" he asked in a harsh way but Claire didn't hear a word of what he had just said. Everything was going fine and she was finally beginning to let go of what he had put her through and of course he would have to show up now, of all times. She started to panic as he caught her eyes. He knew she was looking at him and by the thought of that it looked like he enjoyed it quite a lot. He knew he had put her out of place and now he started to walk towards them. Claire quickly turned to Alex and pulled him into a kiss on the mouth, she saw Peter's discomforting look on his face at the corner of her eye, when he walked by them. She felt a sudden relief when he was out of her sight and remembered what she was doing. She was kissing Alex Ryan, she knew it was wrong but it was a sweet feeling that ran through her body and it left her aching for more, so she kept kissing him, not wanting to let go. Alex was confused about everything but he didn't pull himself away, he had been longing to kiss Claire for so long now and it was everything he had ever dreamt it would be. Her lips were warm and soft and left him with a desire he couldn't tame.  
They stopped their kiss as both of them needed a new breath of air and Claire suddenly remembered every logical reason why they shouldn't kiss, this was a huge mess. She looked at him and her eyes begged him to forgive her. She quickly gathered herself and walked towards the ute, leaving Alex standing alone outside the pub. He couldn't believe it, she was running away again - Only this time he demanded an explanation. He followed her back to the ute and got in without a word, waiting for Claire to get in as well. He kept trying to get her attention but she couldn't look at him. She fasten her seatbelt and looked out the window as Alex started the engine. Half an hour into the ride none of them had said anything, Claire was still looking out the window, barely blinking. Suddenly he pulls the car on the side of the road, he had had enough and he wanted her to tell him exactly what this was all about.

"Talk" he said and stopped the engine. Claire looked at him with confusion in her eyes, what was it he wanted to hear? she couldn't justify what she had done but she didn't knew what else to do. She panicked, that was all.  
"Goddammit Claire! You can't do this" he said in a harsh way  
"Do what?" She asked, well-knowing what he was on about.  
"You can't spend a half hour telling me what a huge risk it is, for you to lose me and still go and kiss me an hour later. What are you trying to do?! Didn't you just tell me this was a friendly arrangement and nothing more?" He was mad, like really mad and she didn't know what to tell him.  
"Alex I .." She stopped. She didn't even know what she was trying to say.  
"Alex what?" He snapped at her. "What exactly do you want from me? huh? You are sending out pretty mixed signal"  
"Alex I'm sorry" She finally said and looked at him. She truly where. "I don't know what came over me. I just panicked when I saw him, I didn't know what else to do" she felt the tears pressing against her eyes but she had to keep them in.  
"It's simple. Do you want this to be strictly friendly or do you want to see where it takes us down the line? I'm not leaving, I'm still going to be there for junior no matter what but I can't have you sending me all these signals. So tell me, what do you want from me?!" She looked at him, was he serious right now? It was only a kiss in the moment because she panicked why was he acting like this?  
"I want what's always been the plan. You helping me as a friend" she said with a low voice and looked out the window again. She was lying, she wanted more and she got a feeling he wanted more as well - why would he act like this if he didn't? She cursed herself, this was the perfect moment to tell him she wanted him more than anything but something stopped her from doing it. She simply couldn't, if it didn't work she would lose a friend.  
"Your signals keeps telling me different things, can't you just be honest with yourself for once? Tell me what it is you really want!" he slammed his hand against the steering wheel. Claire looked at him, he couldn't talk to her like that, what did he know about her being honest with herself?  
"I want you as my friend, okay?!" she hissed.  
"Fine" Alex said and started the car again.  
"Fine"

She got out of the car feeling bad as hell and Alex drove off quickly without a word, as soon as she was out. Who did he think he was, trying to act like he understood her more than she understood herself. She made her way upstairs to apply some water on her face, she needed to get Alex off her mind, she was too angry with him right now. Why couldn't he just see it was an act of desperation?  
The cold water felt wonderful on her skin and she splashed her face a few times before turning the water off. She took a deep breath as she looked herself in the mirror, she slowly started regretting not telling Alex how she felt.  
"Claire?" Tess said and came in sight in the bathroom door.  
"I just saw Alex, he drove off pretty fast" Tess walked in and placed herself on the edge of the tub "He seemed pretty upset"  
"We had a fight" Claire said not wanting to get deeper into it.  
"What happened?" Tess asked with a worried look on her face. Claire sighed and placed herself on the toilet. She knew as good as anyone she wouldn't get Tess off her back before she told her everything.  
"I saw Peter in town, as me and Alex walked out of the pub. I don't know why I did what I did, but I panicked so I kissed him" Claire said and waited for Tess to say something.  
"You kissed him?"  
"I just told you I did" Claire hissed. "He started saying I couldn't do that, when I had just told him we were mates and nothing more"  
"You said that?" Tess said with an amused smile on her lips.  
"Why is that funny?" Claire asked  
"You seriously think you two aren't more than mates?"  
"Yes .. No. I don't know Tess" Claire stopped "The point is he got really mad and upset about it and started telling me I should be honest with myself and all that. He shouldn't be talking to me like that, he offered to help me out himself"  
"Of course he get's upset, he cares for you and you are really blind if you can't see that. And about the honesty.. He's right. You came home after your moment last week and didn't know what to think of it and clearly Alex didn't either, otherwise he wouldn't react this way. So for you to sit there and tell him you want to be friends and then go and kiss him, must be difficult to handle" Tess said and awaited Claire's response.  
"It still doesn't give him the right to attack me like he did" Claire said.  
"Try seeing it from his point of view" Tess said and got Claire to think. She would probably have gotten mad as well but she would never have started criticising him or anything like that as he did to her.  
"I would have gotten mad as well, but he went out of his way to critize me!"  
"Did he say more than you should start being honest to yourself?" Tess asked and frowned.  
"Well, no but"  
"No but, you are overreacting because of your hormones" Tess interrupted. Claire shook her head, they couldn't blame everything on her pregnancy and she was getting tired of hearing it. "Claire .. You two are practically a couple and you are made for each other" Tess said and got up from where she was sitting. "Try making the best of it" she continued and looked at Claire through the mirror. She hated when Tess tried to analyze things she had no clue about and right now she was too mad and upset to handle it. Mostly because she thought the same as Tess, that her and Alex were really good together but then again her logical brain got in the way with a thousand of reasons why they shouldn't be together, for every one reason her heart placed in her mind.  
"Just drop it Tess. I don't want to talk about what me and Alex are, what we could have been and it's done. What's done is done, end of discussion" Claire said and made her way out of the bathroom. She needed some space and to get her mind of things, and the only way she could get that, was to get on with some of the work she had neglected while she had lunch with Alex. She stopped at the end of the stairs, her stomach was beginning to make it hard for her to walk on the stairs and she had to take a short break and catch some air before walking again.

"May I kindly remind you to look at the birth classes I've asked you to look at for weeks now?" Tess said from the top of the stairs. Claire rolled her eyes "I'm on it"  
"No you're not, you haven't even looked at the folders and you need to register before all the classes are booked" Tess said demanding.  
"I'm busy Tess" Claire hissed and placed her hand on her stomach. She knew she had to sign up for the classes but she was scared and she didn't want to be the only one without a partner there, and after what had happened with Alex today he probably wouldn't wanna come.  
"With what? finding out why you can't be honest with yourself and Alex?" Tess said knowing it would tip her of the end.  
"Tess .. enough! Okay? I've had enough" Claire said and took a deep breath before making her way outside. She had had enough of everything, the pregnancy, Alex, Tess and all these feelings inside of her.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

* * *

She tossed and turned, it was impossible for her to fall asleep as it had been the last few days. She still kept thinking about what happened at the pub with Alex, the kiss they shared and how mad he had gotten with her. Was he really feeling something for her? She would like to think he was but it was still a huge risk for them to take, what if it didn't work out? She would have lost a lover and a friend and just the thought of that made every cell in her body hurt. No, she needed Alex. Needed him to be there for the baby when it was born. She placed her hand on her stomach and her mind found its way back to their kiss at the pub. His lips had felt so good on hers, almost as if they belonged there. Even though they couldn't be more than friends, she could still dream about it, right?  
She started to fantasize as she had done it a million times before, wondering how it was to be in a relationship with Alex. She was sure it was the same as it were to be friends with him, just a million times better. She smiled and turned to her side but she quickly cleared her smile. She had to stop thinking of him this way, it was making it impossible to stay friends with him. A sudden creak found it's way to Claire's ears from the creaking floorboard outside her room. _Tess must be up_ she thought to herself and got out of bed. She might as well join her sister, knowing it would be another sleepless night. She found her robe and quickly put it on and started to make her way downstairs. A vague light came from the kitchen, guiding her path from the stairs and the rest of the way.

"Tess?" Claire asked with a sleepy voice  
"Oh Claire" Tess said and quickly turned herself towards her "You startled me" she said and turned on the kettle. "Want a cuppa?" she asked and took the cups off the rag with the nod from Claire.  
"Another sleepless night?" Tess asked and waited for the kettle to be done with boiling.  
"Yeaah" Claire said and leaned back in the chair with a sad look on her face.  
"Still thinking of Alex?" Tess asked and poured the water in the cups and placed herself at the table.  
"How can I not? I think I may have ruined everything Tess. I'm not gonna be surprised if he decides to pull himself out of it all" Claire said and caressed her stomach. She wanted Alex to be a dad for the baby, she didn't wanted it to grow up without one and getting Peter back in the picture was out of the question.  
"Avoiding him doesn't make things better. I think you should try talking with him" Tess said and made herself comfortable on the chair.  
"I don't think I can" Claire said and the sadness from her eyes found its way to her voice.  
"Why not?" Tess asked and looked at her sister with a light smile  
"Because .." Claire stopped. She couldn't tell Tess why she couldn't talk with him. The reasons were many but the biggest of them was the fact that she would be listening to her heart for once if she talked to him now, and she couldn't do that. She couldn't surrender herself to him when she knew it was wrong, it would all go to hell and that couldn't happen.  
"Where are you going?" Tess asked as Claire got up from the chair.  
"I'm not gonna get any sleeping done tonight, I might as well get some work done" Claire said and made her way to the study without looking at her sister. She had to retreat herself from the conversation before it was too late and she would have spilled out every thought she had about Alex. She had to keep them from herself otherwise they wouldn't go away and she was afraid she would act on them, as her heart kept telling her to do. It wasn't like Tess didn't know she felt something for him, she just didn't needed to hear exactly how much, even though she had a feeling Tess saw right through her.

* * *

She looked at the clock on the wall, almost 5am. _Perfect_ she thought to herself and got up from the chair in the study. It was a perfect time to take a walk around the property to check that everything was as it should be, she hadn't done that for so long. She got back to her bedroom, making sure the creaking floorboard wouldn't wake up Tess. She quickly got rid of the robe and grabbed the first set of jeans and a shirt in her clothes. "How can it be so difficult to close a damn button?!" Claire damned out in the room. She was at a point where her clothes definitely were getting too small. "Uuurgh!" she gave up and got off the jeans and threw them on the bed. She rummaged through her closet to find something she could fit in, there had to be something. She pulled out a pair of her old jump pants and frowned. Well, it would have to do for now. She quickly took a look in the mirror, this wasn't that bad, right? She sighed, it was more than bad. _Whatever_ she thought to herself and made her way downstairs. Time to get some work done!

"Where have you been?!" Tess asked as Claire got in sight in the kitchen.  
"What do you mean? I've just been taking a walk around the place" Claire said confused and started to wonder why they all was there and dressed. How long had she been?  
"I woke at 6 and you were nowhere to be seen - Don't tell me you've been out walking until now?" Tess asked and gave Claire push towards the chair and ordered her to sit down.  
"I wasn't walking Tess, I was checking up on things" Claire said and rolled her eyes  
"It's almost 7 Claire!"  
"Is it?" Claire asked and looked confused at the others. Had she really been taking two hours to check the fences near the house? She usually did it in half an hour. She sighed, this pregnancy was really beginning to take it's toll on her.  
"You gotta stop walking around acting like you can do the same things as you did before the pregnancy" Tess said with a tone of anger in her voice.  
"I'm fine Tess" Claire said and looked at the others that had the same expression on their faces as Tess. "Really, I am" Claire said one more time, knowing it would take more to convince them.  
"Here, eat something" Meg said and handed her a plate of fried toast and eggs.  
"Thank you Meg" Claire said. She was beginning to feel pretty hungry and quickly started to eat.  
"Uhm Claire .. " Jodi said and stopped her eating "What exactly are you wearing?". Claire looked at herself, jumpers, what else? She frowned and looked at Jodi who tried to hold her laugh in.  
"What's wrong with it?" Claire asked in a firm way.  
"It's a bit 90's .. Don't you think?" Jodi said and started to laugh, which made Tess laugh as well. Claire send them both a stare saying that was enough, but it didn't help and she started to feel a bit out of place. What was she suppose to do, she didn't had anything else that could fit her.  
"I think we need to go shopping" Tess said and dried her eyes from laughing so hard. The word shopping gave Claire big eyes. No way she would ever be going shopping.  
"I need to work. Not shop" Claire said and got up from the chair. "Becky and Jodi, you guys can check out Little Regret, I'm going to check on the sheep's in Skinny Jims." Claire said and started to make her way outside. "Claire, wait a minute" Tess said and quickly got up from her chair and followed Claire outside.

"What is it Tess, I'm in a hurry" Claire said, still annoyed by what happened in there.  
"We need to talk about the birth class". Claire stopped, could she just drop it already?  
"I'm not going Tess and I'm not going shopping either!" Claire said and started to walk towards the stables.  
"You have to - You have to know how it is to give birth" Tess said and watched her sister get Eagle ready.  
"Women have been giving birth for centuries, you think they had birth classes back in the 1800?" Claire asked and turned away from Tess to fit the harness properly.  
"Well this isn't 1800 something, Claire" Tess said and started to get annoyed with her sister. Why did she always had to do this? Everytime she was scared of something she completely shut down and pretended it didn't happen. "I'll go with you" Tess said, hoping it would make Claire more comfortable about the idea of going.  
"Tess. Drop it. I'm not going" Claire said and mounted Eagle with a bit of difficulty. She had to catch her breath as she finally got in the saddle, she had to move around a bit to find a comfortable position but little did it do. Her bump was still in the way. She sighed, feeling everything was against her right now.  
"If you aren't back before 11, I'm sending someone" Tess said as she saw the struggle her sister had with the saddle.  
"Yeah yeah" Claire said and sat of in a canter.

* * *

She was beginning to think riding out hadn't been the best idea. She was feeling the weight of her stomach and the uncomfortableness from the saddle made the whole thing worse. She didn't understand it, because two weeks ago she had no trouble riding - She only felt a slight discomfort then but now it was almost not bearable. She couldn't have gotten so much bigger, could she? On the other hand her clothes didn't fit her at all by now. She sighed at dismounted Eagle.  
"I just need a little break mate" She said as she caressed his muzzle. She placed herself on a stump of tree and breath a sigh of relief. A short break would do her good and then she could ride back in. She had no idea how long she had been sitting on the stump but the sun's beams felt like warm tickles on her bare skin. Her mind once again started to find its way to Alex but she quickly stopped it, she couldn't go there - It was out of the question.  
"Let's go back mate" Claire said to Eagle as she gently stroke his mane.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Claire asked surprised as she saw Alex sitting on the veranda.  
"Tess called me" Alex said and smiled at her. _Of course she did,_ Claire thought to herself and placed herself on the bench beside Alex. "She told me you are having trouble sleeping and refusing to take up .." he stopped, it felt a little weird to be talking about women things. "Birth classes" he quickly said and scratched his hair. Claire looked at him with big eyes, she couldn't believe she just heard those words come out of Alex's mouth and she smiled as she saw how uncomfortable he was but she soon remembered Tess's actions and sighed.  
"Look mate, Tess shouldn't have said anything. There's nothing wrong, I just don't want to go" Claire said, trying to sound convincing.  
"Why not? I mean .. Don't you pregnant ladies have to, kinda go?" Alex asked, feeling out of place in the topic. Claire laughed.  
"We don't HAVE to go - many do to calm their nerves about the birth" Claire said.  
"And you don't have any nerves?"  
"No!" Claire quickly said and looked away from Alex. Truth be told, she was a mess inside, fearing the birth more and more everyday. But there was no way she would be going without a partner, her pride was too big for that. Alex studied her face as she had told him no, he knew she was scared, he could feel her body tense up as soon as he had asked her.  
"What if I came with you?" he asked, hoping for her to say yes.  
"What?" Claire asked surprised.  
"Isn't that what "fathers" do?" He asked and leaned back at the chair.  
"Well yes, but you aren't the dad?"  
"In theory I am" Alex said kept his stare at Claire. "Come on Claire, if you want people to believe I'm the father we have to do these things together. Don't you think people will start wondering where I am in the big picture?"  
"Well .. " She stopped. He was right, Alex Ryan was actually right and for once she couldn't disagree with him.  
"Would you really do that?" Claire asked humbled.  
"Of course!" Alex said and smiled  
"But what about last time we spoke?" Claire asked and felt her inside twist and turn.  
"Mates fights and make up, forget about it" Alex said. He had no intention on staying mad at her, after all it was Claire - and she was someone you couldn't hold a grudge to.  
"Now to the sleeping" Alex quickly said to avoid dwelling with that conversation any longer. "Come" he said and reached out her hand for Claire to take.  
"What?" Claire asked with a smile on her face. "What is this?" she asked as they got to the other side of the veranda.  
"I always use this when I can't find comfort in the bed" Alex said and pointed at the hammock that hang between two piles on the veranda. "come on, in you get" he said and ordered Claire to get in.  
"It's comfortable, aigh?" he said and studied her as she was laying in front of him.  
"Mmm, very" Claire said and closed her eyes. She hadn't felt this comfortable in a long time.  
"Claire?" Alex asked as he felt her breathing getting heavier. He smiled for himself, she was already fast asleep. He gently stroke her hair, feeling drawn to her. She was beautiful even in old jumpers and messy hair.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

"Come on mamma. In you get" Alex said and opened the door. Claire kept staring at him and the ute. She wasn't really keen on going to the birth class both her sister and Alex had been pushing her to take.  
"I'm just gonna go check on the feed" Claire quickly said, trying to make any excuse for delaying getting in the ute.  
"Oh no you're not" Alex said and grabbed her arm. "In" he said in a firm voice and waited for Claire to do as he told. Claire sighed and gave him a harsh stare before getting in the ute.  
"I hate you" she said to him as he joined her in the ute. He couldn't help but laugh at her remark.  
"No you don't" he laughed.  
"Okay, maybe I don't" Claire said and sent him a quick smile.

* * *

"Are we just gonna sit and stare at the building or are we getting in?" Alex asked. They had been sitting outside in the parking lot for 10 minutes, none of them said anything they just looked at the building. Claire trying to force herself to go inside and Alex trying to calm his nerves about the whole thing.  
"Yeah, righto" Claire said and started to loosen her seatbelt. She might as well get something out of it now they were here.  
"It's gonna be fine" Alex said and looked at her on the other side of the ute.  
"It's easy for you to say - it's not you they are gonna judge" Claire said and closed the door.  
"Judge? What do you mean?" Alex asked. Claire walked to his side and leant herself against the ute.  
"I'm pregnant Alex" Claire said  
"You don't say" Alex said teasingly, trying to lighten the mood but she didn't take it. "Look, the other's are as well" he said confused about where she was going with this. Claire looked at him, maybe the others were pregnant as well but she was Claire. It was different for her, at least, that was how she felt. Alex wasn't the baby's father and she was afraid people would see through their lies. Claire slowly started to make her way to the entrance followed by Alex.

"Oh Claire and Alex, just in time" Bella said as they walked into the room. Bella was the district nurse and birth director. It would also be Bella who was going to take care of Claire during her birth. They were just about to start when they got there. "Take a mat and find an empty spot on the floor" she said and guided Alex and Claire to the mats. Claire took a look around the room as she sat down. She knew all the women here but to her surprise none of them said or did anything to imply anything about her and Alex. Maybe they really thought they were a real couple?

"What are you doing?" Claire whispered to Alex as he placed himself behind her, trapping her with his legs  
"What? the other's do it as well" he said.  
"Yeah well, don't get too comfortable back there" Claire said and looked at him pretending to be annoyed with him, but she loved being this close to him. She could feel his breath on her neck and it threw her back to the moment they shared a kiss and it made her longing for more, she would hate to admit it but it did and something inside of her stirred and moved - somehow it felt like it only was a matter of time before she fell on her knees and told Alex everything.  
"You have to get up" Alex's voice brought her back to reality.  
"Are you guys okay?" Bella asked. Claire looked at her and then Alex, she had been so lost in her own thoughts she had Completely missed out on the exercise.  
"Yeah, everything is fine" Alex assured her and helped Claire on her feet. "McLeod, you gotta pay attention" Alex said in a smart remark.  
"Yeah yeah" Claire said and looked fuzzy.  
"So, what we want you men to do is to massage this spot right here" Bella said and pointed at the lower back on one of the other women in the class. Alex watched how the other's started to massage their wives and girlfriends, and he felt a bit out of place. He hadn't been this close to Claire since their kiss. It pained him to know he couldn't get her and every cell in his body wanted him to pull her close and just hold her.  
"Alex, you got to work your hands" Bella said as she noticed Alex just stood there. Claire looked back at him as he started to massage the small of her back. His fingers danced around on the outside of her shirt and they did wonders, they really did. They seduced her to a whole other world and she felt herself getting more and more week in the knees.  
"Okay, that's enough" Claire said and turned to face Alex. She had to stop him otherwise she would go down a path there was no way back from. She looked him in the eyes as he stood in front of her and all she wanted to do was to put her arms around him and never let go.

"Is everything okay?" Bella asked when she saw Claire faced against Alex.  
"Everything is fine, Alex is just sitting this one out" Claire said  
"Why?" Alex asked looking like a question mark  
"Because .. Because it's not necessary" Claire said and looked into the room where everybody looked just as a question mark as Alex did.  
"Many women prefers this position when they are in labour" Bella said and started to walk towards Alex and Claire, she was just about to show Alex how he should place his fingers when Claire took a step back.  
"He's not going to be at the birth, so he won't be doing it anyway" Claire suddenly heard herself say and saw the hurt in Alex's eyes.  
"Why not?" one of the women asked  
"Yeah, why not?" Alex asked with a firm voice. Why was he not going to be at the birth? Wasn't he supposed to be the dad?  
"It's his pool night" Claire said not knowing what else to use as an excuse. Alex shook his head, pool, really? He was getting more and more confused about this whole agreement. Why was he even here, if he weren't going to be at the birth - It wasn't like he had planned on being there from the start but along the way he had started to look forward to it, and he wanted to be there - for Claire at least, but apparently she didn't feel the same way.

"See you next time" Bella said with a smile to the group as the class ended. She quickly stopped Claire and Alex on their way out of the door. "I'm not gonna have a say in what goes and not at your birth, but it's a huge deal for the fathers to be there"  
"Tell me about it" Alex said and quickly started to walk to his ute, leaving Claire alone with Bella. Claire noticed her confused look, it was obvious the first time she had witness a father being told he wasn't allowed at the birth, she knew she had to find a way out fast, before Bella would start questioning her about it. It wasn't like she didn't loved the idea off Alex being there, but they weren't a real couple and somehow that made it off limit to him, it would be too weird.  
"It's a big tournament" Claire lied and hurried out as fast as she could, not knowing what else to say, she just hoped she would buy it. On their way home the blanket of silence had once again covered the ute. It was clear for Claire to see how hurt and angry Alex was, if only she could explain how she felt for him. But she couldn't and she just had to take on the battles along the way, it was all she could do.

* * *

"I think you should ask Tess to go with you next time" Alex said with a lowered voice  
"Why?"  
"'cause obviously I'm not going to be a the birth" Alex said with his eyes at the steering wheel.  
"C'mon Alex, did you really expect you were going to be at the birth?"  
"Yes, no. I don't know Claire, but I know now" he said and raised his voice.  
"If you didn't expect it why are you so angry then?" Claire asked as she got out of the car. Alex followed half way out, still having one leg inside of the car.  
"You made me look like a fool in front of everyone in there! Now they are gonna think I'm gonna be a kind of dad who values his pool over his own child" Alex yelled.  
"But you are not the father Alex!" Claire raised her voice as well, not paying attention to the audience that had gathered behind her.  
"Jeez I didn't know! What am I then, huh? Tell me Claire, what exactly do you want me to be?" Claire couldn't say anything and she felt the tears slowly find their way down her cheeks.  
"Am I just a piece you place around as you see fit? 'cause it sure as hell feels like that" Alex said and back in the ute.  
"If you for one second think that, I'm calling this off" Claire yelled  
"No you aren't 'cause I am" Alex yelled back from the ute.  
"Fine!" Claire hissed and saw Alex leave a trail of dust behind him as he quickly drove off. She couldn't believe what has just unfolded in front of her, how did she let it come this far? She should have listen to Tess when she had told her it was a stupid idea.  
"Are you okay?" Tess asked her and walked to her side.  
"I'm fine" Claire said with tears down her cheek. She hurried inside, away from the rest - she didn't quite feel like demonstrating anymore detail from her pathetic life right now. She walked the stairs as fast as she could, given her 6 month bump. She slammed the bedroom door and crawled up in her blanket on the bed. She had just ruined everything with Alex, absolutely everything!


End file.
